I’m trying to find my writing groove in the pits of my soul. Find that rhythm which used to carry my songs. So I’ve decided to write a set of ficitional love letters. These will be adressed to the girl from afar…

1 day ago · 0 notes

Dear girl with the eyes, those eyes.. the eyes you tried to hide from the world. Not for anything more than to keep them silent, because those eyes spoke volumes. Those eyes that whispered even behind photographs. I find myself day-dreaming as to the thoughts being conjured in the moment forever frozen in time. Were you half alive that day.. were you corroding slowly or were you brimming with childlike enthusiasm. Did you draw with the clouds & envision mythical fables coming to life or were you thinking about how the earth’s inhabitants are plummeting to their own demise. The lines along your brow were deceptive, crinkled like doubt, when they harbored mischief. You think I don’t notice you, but I do. All of you. I notice the way you pause after certain words, as if to ponder on their very existence. I notice the way you sound when you smile, or more so when trying to hide a smile. It’s as if the warmth behind your cheeks seeps through the sound waves to caress me tenderly. I noticed the way you fought a pout, but even with backs turned your despair commanded a sense of rescue. So that’s all I wanted to do.. rescue you. Many days I pictured my hands slipping in & out of yours, fingers intertwined like decade old ivy. I would hold your hand to my chest & trace the ways I loved you on the back. And when we ran back into time, I would whisper in your eyes that there would never be enough time to create the words lacked, to express how I felt about you. How I longed to feel your skin against my own, to get lost in one another. Fluid, not knowing where you began & I ended. I figured that was how it should have been. this love was not merging 2 into 1 , but 2 halves to make 1 whole. We would be complete, filling the void my soul has felt on this search to find half of itself..to find you. I was not so certain as to say you were the only fit for my puzzled life, but you knew the turns & twists of my soul & you weren’t scared. Instead you embraced & loved the scars, you understood without explanation…you knew me.. And I knew you, without knowing you. I knew the pieces you kept hidden, the pieces that you didn’t understand yourself. The world knew the facade spun up as an armor, but I knew the soul underneath it all, words were unnecessary..

1 day ago · 2 notes

I used to write for clarity, words were a sifter of sorts for my soul. every time I would get congested with sentiments or drowned in thoughts. I would dive between the lines & purge my soul. I haven’t done so since Jan 2011. Part of me died in California, the need to vacate these hollow chambers of my heart seemed pointless & instead I did what comes as second nature. I buried it away. Buried it deep within me, bidding light adieu as the emptiness consumed it all. Surely my therapist scratches & scrapes at the surface. So what do I do? I cancel all services til further notice. I rather be numb than a pilled up zombie, with emotions dripping from the edges of my mouth, each time I allow the truth to spill forward. I would like for things to be different. For me to fall in the parameters of the ‘norm’. Yet I think I’ve known since I was birthed, that I am everything but normal. It’s not such a bad thing though. I believe in trees & sing to them as their leaves sway. I live a melodic life, deeply rooted in hopelessness. I hope for more, like a caged bird with an open door & broken wings. I crave flight, but I don’t know that I can soar until I’m healed. So I retreat back into me, letting feathers shed alongside tears…
Yet under it all there’s a fire..
A fire that’s been consuming me for the past 25 years. A fire that’s been fueling me to continue to push myself past the pain, past the hurt & humiliation. This fire is what’s made the difference between feeling like a victim & a survivor.
I’ve survived life this long, now I’m ready to spread my wings & not let the past hinder me from the purple skies ahead of me.

4 days ago · 2 notes

Its quite insane how a woman makes me feel. I’ve dated dudes in the past & can’t establish any emotional connections. As unfortunate as it sounds, I see them as toys. Get what I want & toss to the sides. But women…. they just ..do it for me.

I’m a sucker for a shy smile, boobs &
soft eyes , it all just melts me.
I don’t care if you consider yourself feminine, aggressive, non-binary, trans. I likey..

5 days ago · 2 notes

These people want us to feel.

….but I won’t .

I live life numb, it’s how I get through the day. If I open myself up to feel, I feel sorrow. The darkness outweighs the light. As hopeless as I can be Romance doesn’t seem to be my thing. I’m unsure what’s my thing.

Maybe one day I’ll find use for these emotions but til then…

1 week ago · 0 notes

- Bert McCracken

(via goodbyemyimmortal)

1 week ago · 18 notes · Source

ahumanperspective:

Sometimes what we wake up
Can’t be put back to sleep

1 week ago · 2 notes · Source

I want to be the woman your heart covets when surrounded by solitude.
I want to be the woman your tears lean on when they can’t keep themselves up.
I want to be the chill up your spine and the warmth in your smile.
I want to be hand that pulls you close & let my fingers trace your thoughts..
I want to swim your mind
I want to swim in you…
Your soul is absolute.
Your soul is beautiful

2 weeks ago · 0 notes